if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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