just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
