well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
