I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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