Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
