Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
