i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's rum buckets o'clock
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
