I can text with my tongue
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Let's get the cat blown out
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
