The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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