12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
