Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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