ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How's work?
Spinning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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