I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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