Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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