i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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