i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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