Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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