Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
