The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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