I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
