Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Alive.
So much puke
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
