you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
