I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
