go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize