and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
