Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
