idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize