Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I need to stop coming to work sober
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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