Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
