So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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