That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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