did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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