I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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