I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
