He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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