In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
