There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
