Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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