I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize