i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
