my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
