Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
