I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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