Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
