Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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