Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
