Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
