If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize