I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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