She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
