ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
