He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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