Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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