two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
