I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
be right there i have to get my cape
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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