I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
