Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
