OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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