I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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