Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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