someone threw a dead crab at me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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