I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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