My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize