So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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