winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
