i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
