I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
