If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
